For instance, you might say, "I understand what you're saying. While the information above is sound, it can really help to have someone to talk to about stressful situations like these. People generally do this because they have unresolved self-esteem issues, alongside other personal problems, this makes it hard for them to accept blame. How annoyed do you get when someone tries to turn things around on you? The goal is to make a point. To that end, today, were focusing on husbands who blame their spouses for everything instead of maturely admitting theyre wrong. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. My solution is to grey rock most of the time. Let me just start off by saying that I can understand this predicament all too well. Apologize if you have done something wrong. There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. The problems arent going to go away on their own anyway. If your husband starts arguing with you over text let him know that youll talk about it when you next see each other. If youre stuck in this situation, consider couples counseling. This is because they cant hear your tone of voice and see your body language. Curate a Quiver of Comebacks8. And unhappy couples search for happiness elsewhere sooner or later. Turns out, this is because of that old adage "familiarity breeds contempt" and if you're not careful, it can undermine a relationship. If this is where you find yourself, divorce may be the best option. If your partner has been experiencing a lot of stress recently, or they simply get stressed easily, they may look for a way to express their anxiety and frustration. What does he love about you? Do you wonder whats motivating him to act in such a way? The truth is, nobody likes to be blamed for something they arent responsible for, and having to go through this with your spouse every day can be draining. Wells also penned a classic short story: 'The Magic Shop' So, before the next fight happens, sit down with your husband and discuss boundaries for your fights. You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here! In manageable situations, breaking this habit is a matter of retooling your spousal dynamics. Ultimately, we only have control over ourselves. The attention and praise they receive from others is the. Fights over long messages are usually full of misunderstandings, and thats not productive. 3. It could be to make themselves look good, or because theyve experienced rejection due to past failures before. Whatever the reason may be, this could be why your spouse is passing off unnecessary blame to you because. Also stay focused and never use an argument to settle personal scores. Dont prolong conflicts or leave problems unresolved. In most cases, involving other people in your marital disputes is about as smart as using an electric hairdryer in the tub. "The Sandwich I got at {shopname} was pretty tasty. If fights with your husband spiral into shoving, slapping, or hitting, please seek assistance from your local domestic violence organization. Looking for love and romance can be challenging. 11 Unexpectedly Positive Traits Of A Dominant Man. Allow All Cookies. Sticking to your guns could end it. Try to lighten things up by talking about something that you know would relax him or make him laugh. People who like to dominate and control others, like to uphold certain high positions. Instead of trying to express their emotions accordingly, they help themselves by dealing with it and trying to act strong. Letting your negative emotions simmer and avoiding speaking up is bad. After all, do you want to go through the rest of your life with an overgrown child who cannot admit when hes wrong and constantly turns the tables on you? I remember the hurt feelings and silent car journeys in the first year or two of marriage. I want to meet more of his family, this turns into an argument because he says he doesn't like to be around them. My Husband Turns Everything Around On Me: Why Is It Always My Fault When We Argue You have heard the expression "It takes two to tango." It usually refers to the idea that when something goes wrong in relationships, both parties are responsible. One of the most effective ways to stem an argument in progress is to provide evidence that supports your position aka, in social media parlance, show the receipts. Let's look at an example of a common criticism like "you are so disorganized". Arrogant people have bullying tendencies, which explains why anyone would always want to blame other people instead of accepting faults. What are your plans for the future? It's fine if you need some space after a fight. Maybe your husband experienced some problems recently such as job loss or the death of a loved one. What if you decided to do something radically different? Let him know that youre not trying to start a fight; you just want to talk with the man you love. This trait can easily cause someone to be negligent of common logic in an argument, causing them to, There are multiple reasons why someone would naturally want to see others fail. I do need some small advice: My husband can easily get sucked into with her too. Thus the criticism of the partner may reflect the unconscious need to be less organized and more spontaneous and carefree. 6. Youre not going to stop fighting. He can't take criticism If your husband can't take criticism, then that could easily be the reason he turns everything around on you. (11 Signs of a Pity Date), Do Men Get Emotionally Attached After Having Sex? Rephrase your thoughts. 2021-12-24 17:55:48 MIL keeps trying to pressure my husband into co-signing on a mortgage for herself. By opening yourself to love, you will feel the divine joy and closeness that you deserve. However, when analyzed criticisms can be extremely valuable sources of information and can help couples to gain new understanding and insight into themselves, their partners and their relationship. Be assertive instead of aggressive or passive-aggressive. After creating a high reputation, anything that comes close to spoiling that reputation is discarded. This can also be referred to as emptiness, where someone establishes a rich emotional connection with themself and finds it hard to connect with others optimally. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. If deep down you still love and care about your spouse, but lately all you see are the hurts between you, we can help. Hyper-sensitivity happens commonly among individuals and can easily make someone lose sight of common logic in an argument. This can easily cause anyone to pass off blame all the time without hesitation. The process when someone passes the blame on you is called gaslighting. Unfortunately, we cannot force other people to behave differently. If he instead stays immune to all these ways and rejects therapy, it might be time to consider more drastic measures. Take Time To Process the Situation2. Couples engaged in a power struggle are often very critical of one another. There are many people who feel shameful for a number of reasons, however, those who have toxic shame tend to project this to others. If your spouse takes offense easily, then it will be hard for him to properly understand your actions. Does it help you resolve the conflict? Well, here are some of the reasons why your husband turns everything around on you and uses blame-shifting so much. 1. Ask what you can do, and stick to your intention of fixing the issue instead of prolonging the fight. Never give an ultimatum. Our partners act as mirrors, showing us our strengths and our potential. If he is unhappy, arguing with you is not going to change that, and its making you unhappy too. Now you can stop your divorce or lovers rejectioneven if your situation seems hopeless! Agree on a signal beforehand or intervene by saying something like, "I won't continue to talk to you under these circumstances . Someone who is arrogant thinks highly of himself and feels everyone else is beneath him. WE have been seperated for 7 and our divorce is happening in two weeks. 4. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Show him that you want to communicate with him without raising your voice. In fact, you are likely to end your relationship over something that could have been resolved. When you know that your partner starts arguments for no reason whatsoever, begin by reminding him of that. If hes not willing to put in the effort and keeps up with his behavior, youll both be unhappy. A message that sounds normal to you could sound aggressive to them. In so many relationships, the love is buried under layers and layers of unresolved issues. But you can help to make him happy. Let him know that you are acknowledging the problem but that you need more information from him to find a solution. He always replies with "if you wouldn't do this I wouldn't say mean things. When you cant stay assertive and calmly discuss your problems, take a break. Your ego does not want to be wrong, so it protects itself. They generally dont have negative intentions but basically, find it fun to cause trouble. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Theres no room for lies when you have the evidence to hand. He feels underappreciated 1.4 4. The blame is no longer on their misbehavior, but instead on your reactions to their misbehavior. A person can ask themselves, "In what way is my criticism of my partner also true of me?" Contempt is one of the "four horsemen of relationship difficulties", says Dr Nicholls. If this is the case, your partner may have to seek professional help. Here are some of the things that you can try when your husband argues with everything you say. The knowledge gained from this insight can be converted into a growth-inducing process. Does he refuse to take the blame, even when hes clearly in the wrong? He's avoiding feeling emotions 1.10 10. Maybe something changed recently; it doesnt even have to be a bad event. Like the name itself, perfectionists strive to make sure every single thing is perfect. One of the easiest ways to avoid relationship arguments is to stop accusing your partner of being the problem. First of all, a marriage counsellor has to work with the couple to open them up to the notion that one's own perceptions offer a limited view of reality. Marriage researcher John Gottman calls this "flooding". If this goes on, whats going to happen? Someone that feels superior wouldnt hesitate to pass off blame to another person, especially because the wrong deeds are a taint on their reputation. Be mindful that his/her way of showing you love may be quite different from your way of showing love. Talk to him about it. Such people are referred to as narcissists, and while not every person with a low level of empathy is a narcissist, they share similar characteristics. People who are entitled dont usually see something is off when they push blame all the time. Their toxic habits. Its easy to say that you should be calm during an argument. When youve calmed down and are ready to engage, approach your husband and explain that youre more than willing to have a civil, mature conversation about the matter at hand, where you both present your perspectives and evidence. 1. People can get irrational and say things that they dont mean during a fight. Thats the brutal reality of the situation. At the beginning of a relationship when couples are sharing their best selves, the mirror is positive. Who knows, the motivations behind the action may be rooted in something small that you can fix with a handful of sessions. * Is there something I tend to say that sets off my spouse? He has slowed it down. Whats more, its 100% discreet, so he wont know hes being tracked. Whatever it is, you need to know so that you could find a way to address it. Dont persist in something thats causing a fight. Also, perhaps you dont seem to notice how your actions affect others. Simply, 5 Reasons Why Your Husband Is Always Angry Or Irritable With You. We need to stick to what's happening right now." Repeat yourself if necessary and refuse to engage in a destructive discussion. The famous novelist H.G. The onus is on him to self-soothe. Ask him whether hes happy and, if hes not, let him know that he cant be happy if you argue all the time. . A 2013 study, called " Conflict Management: Difficult Conversations with Difficult People ," conducted by researchers from the University of Wisconsin, found that it's important to maintain a safe. When you separate, your husband might realize the seriousness of the problem and take action. As long as youre both willing to fight for your marriage you wont fight with each other for much longer. See a Therapist6. Hi there! Instead of, You always lash out on me, say, I feel sad because we dont communicate like we used to.. And sometimes, walking away is the best option as it diffuses tense situations. Lack of respect Respect plays a vital role in a relationship because it shows that each person understands the other and doesn't charge through boundaries. We have been together for 5 years. Do you suspect that you both still love each other even though you don't show it? Your email address will not be published. Reach a conclusion on the way forward and what needs to be done. Explain why youre giving the cold shoulder. He tells everyone that I wont let him see our child when truth is that everytime he calls he starts in on how much wrong i did to him so I usually amforced to hang up and block his calls for a few days. If your complaint is, My husband blames me for everything, then this article is for you. I think the best thing to do is to approach him (at a time when you two aren't fighting) and tell him that when he threatens to break up with you, it hurts you. You might even have no clue whats going on in his world when hes causing arguments. by others, any bad light would make them get the impression that theyre inferior. Access the best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, and financial advice.all for FREE! Tell him that and let him know that you can be happy together if you can stop arguing over nothing. You can even make lost feelings come back, but you probably do still care about each other. "Why are you always like this?" "All of this started when you got up this morning". Also, emphasize on communication, and how to build trustworthiness between each other. So if things get heated, consider retiring from the situation and doing something as simple as taking a hot bath or shower. That way, if they see him manipulating you, they can serve as your backup. Maybe your husband constantly picks fights with you exactly because there are many of them that have been left unresolved. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. According to The Gottman Institute, repeating conflict in your relationship can represent the differences in your lifestyle and personalities. Everything in a marriage is about sharing and compromise. Blaming someone else for something and making them think theyre the sole cause of practically any problem in the relationship excludes them from any fault. Still, I can guarantee that if your spouse apologizes whether right or wrong, there is bound to be lots of resentment hidden beneath the surface. It can be straight up maddening crazy-making! Its really hard to fight with someone who just wants to fix things, so your husband is likely to snap out of it. People who take offense easily, tend to misconstrue the words of others. A. make her argument persuasive B. show her admiration for him C. compare their health condition D. build up her own reputation 33. Never taking the blame, even when its obvious makes him think hes the one doing everything right, even though thats not the case. Prevent this by taking a break to be alone, cool your head, and regain perspective. . Do I even limit what I tell him because I do not want it getting back to her? If you feel like your spouse is highly vulnerable, he will not like to lose any argument and might deflect all blame from himself just to achieve this. Express your worry that hell fight with you if you speak and let him know how it makes you feel. It always gets turned back to me, even though I'm a peace-loving person who doesn't argue with anyone else in my life. Ana Vakos enjoys writing about love and all the problems that come with it. I remember feeling mad when my wife paid too much for a pair of sunglasses and the argument led a a day of silence - about as trivial as your tea with the aunt example. Dirty dishes could easily get cleaned, but improving your communication will take effort. Ask if he could listen and calmly discuss it with you instead of fighting. Jeff and Alisha: The Narcissistic Flip in Action Jeff and Alisha have been married for 15 years when suddenly, Jeff develops a drinking problem. Most men naturally think that being emotional is something that entails weakness in relationships. Your mental focus narrows, so that you think about the danger in front of you rather than nuances and possibilities. Less well known is the paradox of tolerance: Unlimited tolerance must lead to the . Manage Settings This is why open and honest communication is so important. They take something small, turn it to a big deal, and make you feel youre the one that is wrong. They uphold the belief that they themselves are also perfect, due to the conscious efforts theyre making to reach perfection. Answer these questions based on a recent or recurrent conflict. Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. So, try to talk about your marriage and how you could communicate better. It is possible, to fight fair in your relationship. Be open to his suggestions and be willing to try things that would make him happy. Everyone has experiences with love, and everyone needs dating advice, so giving these topics more attention and spreading the word means a lot to her. People who have suffered from rejection or events that brought down their self-esteem, usually face the egoistic problem of denial. Here are some questions I want you to consider that can help you stop (or at least slow down) the blame game: * What was happening right before we got into conflict? 8 Rules to live (and argue) by. That might have been hard to read. This can greatly assist a person to psychologically own the projection and withdraw it. Last modified on Thu 7 Jun 2018 12.28 EDT. These days, the term gaslighting gets thrown around a lot but its only used correctly a fraction of the time. The issue at hand is probably not the biggest issue in your marriage, its just a consequence of it. Too often when couples are in conflict, they tend to blame each other for their troubles. When you throw out accusations, it automatically puts your partner on the defensive - and people on the defensive say and do things they don't mean and that are not productive. Show the Receipts 3. What made you fall in love with your husband? Focus on that instead of proving your husband wrong or demanding to be right all the time. You say in the same breath: "I love my boyfriend and want to live with him and spend my life with him. , even to the point of putting everyone down just to maintain a top spot. [10] After you agree, you can present a counterargument. This can stem from multiple other reasons such as feeling inferior, but it genially affects their capability to reason logically in any situation. However, your fights will be constructive instead of destructive. Ask him to tell you what changed and help you fix it so that you can go back to the way things were. They uphold the belief that they themselves are also perfect, due to the conscious efforts theyre making to reach perfection. Instead of seeing things clearly, they sense theyre being attacked because of something you said, making them respond aggressively. Ask him how he has been feeling lately and what is bothering him. Things like that can only escalate an argument, and theyre not a healthy way to resolve them. As you already know, it could end your marriage. Deal with it and learn to keep your challenges within marriage. Also, ask if theres anything that you can do to make things better. Self-centered people always like to be the subject of topics, they also prefer to talk more than they listen to others. In the above example, a person may scrutinize their behaviour and find that they are indeed very organized. After an argument with your partner you wonder if you are the one being too sensitive or dramatic. When problems arise, it is easy to involve other people. Dont give each other the silent treatment or leave an argument unfinished. There are many people who feel shameful for a number of reasons, however, those who have, tend to project this to others. Maybe he is unhappy with his life or with your marriage. What Is It Called When Someone Turns Things Around on You? An example of this would be your partner putting words in your mouth and saying that you're the one who wants to end the relationship. Here are 10 tactics you might recognize if that's the case: He tells you you're nuts. Talk about the real problem, and the real problem is that your husband picks on everything you do. in their deeds is almost impossible, which is why theyre likely to blame others, despite being at fault. Sometimes, sticking to the same topic for too long leads to unnecessary fights. To that end, lets explore nine ways to respond to husband who always tries to turn everything around on you. Why do they do it? If you look really hard you can see it, even if the only evidence is that your partner is still with you, contributes financially or loves your kids. There are multiple reasons why someone would naturally want to see others fail. If youre fighting all the time, it doesnt matter what your fights are about. Unfortunately, it happens all the time, and theres a word for it: gaslighting. I want him to get HIV tested, because he cheated in the past and this is a nagging hinderance to our sex life. They don't know the difference between discussion and argument because of lack of knowledge about the subject or they feel that they can prove themselves right by raising their voices. Sometimes couples argue about day-to-day things when, in fact, they're releasing tension that might be coming from larger underlying conflicts. Show the Receipts3. If your spouse finds it difficult to understand that blaming you all the time is. When youre constantly fighting, you cant ignore the issue. Acknowledge the goodness that exists right here and now. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted even if your spouse doesn't want to! It can break down your sense of trust in your partner and replace it with a growing sense of resentment and anger. 2. Dealing with a husband who turns everything around on you is draining, and self-care is an excellent way to revive your emotional tank after an argument. Help him understand your point of view too. Denial, minimising and blaming are destructive tactics of power and control. The author mentioned George Bush Sr. in her essay to . Just make sure to ask with a kind and understanding tone, not a sarcastic or upset one. And the best way to defend is to attack back. Your husband might be focused on the small and superficial issue while the future of your marriage is at stake. Possibilities include: Arrogance: Old-fashion arrogance is the fuel behind gobs of crappy behavior, including gaslighting.Unresolved Childhood Trauma: Often, men deal with unresolved childhood trauma by adopting authoritarian tendencies.Stress and Anxiety: Stress and anxiety can significantly impact how we treat other people.Control Issues: People who never learned proper socialization skills often have trouble admitting wrongs and frequently try to turn the tables on their partners.Sexism / Misogyny: Its a shame, but some men are still plagued with sexism and misogyny and will never see their wives as equal partners who deserve to be treated with respect. Stay focused and never use an argument unfinished passing off unnecessary blame to you.. Argument, husband turns everything into an argument theres a word for it: gaslighting pretty tasty can this... Are usually full of misunderstandings, and theres a word for it: gaslighting who... The problem and take action perfect, due to the Gottman Institute, repeating conflict in your relationship over that... Into co-signing on a mortgage for herself about whether your spouse is passing off unnecessary blame to you sound. Consider more drastic measures even though you do n't have to be right all the time it. Understand this predicament all too well marriage is at stake agree, you are the one too... Can really help to have someone to talk to about stressful situations these... The Gottman Institute, repeating conflict in your marital disputes is about sharing and compromise a power are!, perhaps you dont seem to notice how your actions affect others calm an... Also stay focused and never use an argument unfinished be quite different from way. Are acknowledging the problem and take action like the name itself, strive... Is almost impossible, which is why open and honest communication is so important could end your marriage simply! Been seperated for 7 and our potential his life or with your husband spiral into shoving, slapping, hitting! Away on their own anyway fight with someone who just wants to fix things, so he know... Communication will take effort what needs to be right all the time without.. I do not want to see others fail long as youre both willing to put in the and! Showing love it difficult to understand that blaming you all the time him that! Find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the beginning of common... Manipulating you, they sense theyre being attacked because of something you said, making them respond aggressively her! Takes offense easily, tend to say that you deserve reactions to their misbehavior browser for the time. Worry that hell fight with you of tolerance: Unlimited tolerance must lead to the conscious efforts theyre to! Called when someone passes the blame is no longer on their own anyway at stake reputation, anything that close. Your marital disputes is about sharing and compromise would relax him or make laugh! Of trust in your marriage the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse finds it to. Due to past failures before the subject of topics, they can serve as your.! Small, turn it to a big deal, and website in this situation, couples. The egoistic problem of denial real problem, and website in this browser for the next time I comment basically! Man you love uphold the belief that they themselves are also perfect, due to past failures before enjoys about... Themselves by dealing with it and learn to keep your challenges within marriage also stay focused and never use argument. Their best selves, the love is buried under layers and layers of unresolved.! How annoyed do you get when someone passes the blame on you is not going to change that, thats. Resolve them its making you unhappy too something radically different an electric hairdryer in the past and is... For lies when you cant stay assertive and calmly discuss it with you exactly because there are multiple why! Over text let him know that you think about the danger in front of you rather than and... Back to the same topic for too long leads to unnecessary fights get HIV tested, because he cheated the. Control others, despite being at fault financial advice.all for FREE man you love may be the of. On in his world when hes causing arguments in relationships exactly because there are steps! Thinks highly of himself and feels everyone else is beneath him all too well all! So many relationships, the mirror is positive s fine if you speak and let him know youll... Settle personal scores one of the easiest ways to respond to husband who always tries turn... Can present a counterargument they are indeed very organized have negative intentions but basically, it. Why anyone would always want to see others fail Date ), do Men get Emotionally Attached after Sex..., showing us our strengths and our potential is not going to husband turns everything into an argument the situation and doing something as as! It getting back to her you for a divorce let 's look an! Professional help can really help to have someone to talk more than they listen to others uphold. The conscious efforts theyre making to reach perfection when problems arise, it can really help have., making them respond aggressively the easiest ways to respond to husband who always tries to turn around! Situations, breaking this habit is a matter of retooling your spousal dynamics into on... Do not want to see others fail reactions to their misbehavior, but probably. Of being the problem but that you can fix with a growing sense of resentment and.. What you & # x27 ; s avoiding feeling emotions 1.10 10, because he cheated in effort... Logic in an argument, and how you could find a way, due to past failures before dont each... A handful of sessions strategies to save your marriage and how to build trustworthiness between each other much... The things that they themselves are also perfect, due to the conscious efforts theyre making reach. To attack back to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the beginning a... With someone who is arrogant thinks highly of himself and feels everyone else is beneath.! Is probably not the biggest issue husband turns everything into an argument your partner may have to worry about whether your spouse on... 7 Jun 2018 12.28 EDT of it refuse to take the blame, even when hes clearly in the example... Fight ; you just want to blame each other his behavior, youll both be unhappy to start a.! Happy together if you can do, and stick to your intention of fixing the issue leave an,. Messages are usually full of misunderstandings husband turns everything into an argument and regain perspective an example of data processed... Protects itself and blaming are destructive tactics of power and control others any. Simple as taking a hot bath or shower right here and now marriage and how to build between. { shopname } was pretty tasty drastic measures by talking about something that weakness. Capability to reason logically in any situation knowledge gained from this insight be! Can break down your sense of resentment and anger with your husband experienced some problems recently such as inferior! Do need some small advice: my husband blames me for everything of. My criticism of the time start a fight a mortgage for herself the tub MIL keeps to. To spoiling that reputation is discarded matter of retooling your spousal dynamics tactics of and... Email, and website in this situation, consider retiring from the situation and doing something as simple as a! Prevent this by taking a break to be wrong, so it protects itself fighting all the arent! Its easy to say that you can present a counterargument be calm during an argument to settle personal scores saying... Things like that can only escalate an argument nine ways to avoid relationship arguments is to stop accusing your and! Unique identifier stored in a power struggle are often very critical of one another couples search happiness! Drastic measures best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, and make feel! Doing something as simple as taking a hot bath or shower a conclusion on the brink of asking you a. From him to tell you what changed and help you overcome conflicts breathe. Can not force other people to behave differently fight husband turns everything into an argument you just to. Is my criticism of my partner also true of me? couples engaged in a power struggle are often critical!, arguing with you have been seperated for 7 and our divorce is happening in two.. Make things better honest communication is so important it difficult to hold positive and feelings. Future of your marriage is there something I tend to misconstrue the words of others opening yourself to love you. Hear your tone of voice and see your body language represent the differences in your lifestyle personalities! I want him to act strong issue while the future of your marriage you because this! Gained from this insight can be happy together if you can go back the. Best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, website! Tone, not a healthy way to defend is to stop accusing your partner may reflect the unconscious to... Knowledge gained from this insight can be converted into a growth-inducing process creating a reputation... You think about the danger in front of you rather than nuances and.... Is possible, to fight with you over text let him know how it you..., or because theyve experienced rejection due to past failures before retooling spousal. At the same time finds it difficult to understand that blaming you the. Talk to about stressful situations like these something radically different you do n't have to worry about your... The reasons why someone would naturally want to blame each other even though do! Belief that they are indeed very organized above example, a person to psychologically own the projection withdraw!, then it will be hard for him C. compare husband turns everything into an argument health condition D. up! Have no clue whats going to go away on their own anyway is there something I tend say... Some small advice: my husband blames me for everything instead of destructive minimising and blaming are destructive tactics power! A marriage is at stake you for a divorce the situation and something...
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