For me I did some crazy things that proved to me I was going to be just fine without him. Thanks for the heads up! Youll take 3 steps forward and four steps back at times. Of course he said its over and now they are just friends. (I pointed out that his A is the issue x 1 million. I was done. I sincerely hope you are able to get some sleep and realize that you will get through this and it will be on your own timeline and you are allowed to grieve for as long as you need to. I am tempted to go into NC for a few weeks from tomorrow. Ive thrown that much rope into Hs black hole or onto his little boat that is adrift. He will get mad and may take it out on you. You have people (even is at EAJ) who are surrounding you and helping however possible. You have done everything a loving W could do. To me this seems completely absurd, and I still today (this was many, many years ago) have great difficulties understanding how people can be so unemphatic. Well today he gets a few hard limits that will really test his measure. My H said the same thing. Thanks Universe ???? Our needs are primary. She had hardened her heart and closed herself off from me. My MIL is as strong in her faith as anyone I know but she was listening to my wife so morals be damned! They are pretty much one person (I swear). I would genuinely like to hear your reason for discounting the feelings of those who dont comment. I was so concerned about not upsetting the little ones I had to push everything down for several hours. How strange to have to do all this with the person who you trusted the most and who is now the most dangerous risk of all to your emotional and financial health and wellbeing. From http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissists-abandon-their-families-and-re-invent-themselves-4/, Grannon, Richard. I mean how appropriate was that? But instead our culture breeds secrecy and cheating and all about me as a way of dealing with issues and problems. Now, I didnt throw his clothes on the front steps..I just sort of went into shock. My h didnt either and when he did I and everyone else who knew his lawyer had a good laugh. Two suggestions: one is to get counseling for you to come to terms with the M or S or D or whatever is going on. Anyone know why one eye cries more tears than the other? Thats why my current thing is to not even refer to OW as if she is personally involved. Clearly Im up to speed now LOL. Im going to call my brother today and lay that down the line! He said D three or four times. You have to ignore it and let your lawyer do your talking. I reminded him his aversion to my occasional and justified reactions to all I have endured is not a good sign of remorse. Handed me back his wedding ring one weekend later. But here is what my therapist told me regarding the M. If you end up D you want to know you did everything possible to save it. Was the voice talking to me? As far as I know, he was cheating on me for at least 3 of our 10 years together. When, for various reasons, it is not possible to engage in health-improving gymnastics, you should listen to useful advice. Dont think shell do it as she explained to me that she is worthy and I suppose, I am not. Satori That dynamic of going to bed with the ocean in between is so apt. He knows hes being an asshole and being an asshole is hard to accept for cheaters. I got him to acknowledge something that was really important related to the finances that he had been clearly acting very defensive about and lying, and in doing so, he acknowledged power I hold over him. I advocate to getting bad ass empowered by any means necessary. ???? Heck even share the same lawyer!!! Also if youd like my email to personally email me Doug can give it to you. Maybe you can let some things sink in too and maybe you will decide you dont want R. What has me concerned is him wanting out of the business as well. I dont think Ive ever sworn so much or so creatively in my life. And seeing the path my ex has gone done whether due to mental illness or what ever it may be, I see what is opposite of embracing God thru her actions. My son, our friend and my h were in the office. He is so dismissive and disrespectful and distant. She called me approx. And doesnt know what to do. I sobbed my eyes out in front of him. I made him sign a post nup as a condition of trying to R. I protected myself financially (and my children) as well. Rob SusmanNegative Space 2321018 Records DKReleased on: 2022-04. It meant something to me as well.took me months to get over it and fall asleep beside him. You dont have to have all the answers, right now.. TFW: you thought distance could be a good thing, I dont feel it. Stay tuned. Many people find it difficult and pressurizing to force themselves to make such a decision to shut the doors to other opportunities, particularly for what is conventionally intended to be "till death do us part.". Time is your friend. My daughter said later that I should have called her at work to come get the little girls but I didnt think to even do that. It may not translate as amusingly here in the re-telling, but in the context of it all, there was that hilarious / hysterical moment. Sometimes I would go for a drive and just scream and swear and cry and swear so more. Renege is a play straight out of the CS manual, but I like it.A LOT. So painful. I know I tried for 6 months to be the kind and living and understanding wife. Judgments. We endorse GoldenCHild beating Satori by any means necessary in this game as that should teach Satori not to think she is worthy of our GoldenCHild nor should she ever regard herself as equal to a man. If she wants to apologize for her actions Ill listen and decide whether she is just full of shit or sincere. I had some crappy boyfriends I will admit. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. It seemed to fall literally in between us where we were standing and directly in my line of sight. But many of our husbands had no voice of reason speaking in their ears during the affair fog.and they did turn around. Separating from a business agreement is harder and more costly. I dont want to hope now as the sooner I get used to this feeling the sooner it will pass. The CS has to want it otherwise the A continued with the same OW or the CS eventually finds a new OW. Now she is desperately seeking a male companion to cure her loneliness. When we loose someone its so very normal to go into remember when mode. Yes I was furious. If the girlfriend is younger, he will start acting younger, listening to her tastes in music, socializing with her circle of friends, and dressing youthfully to blend in more with his new lifestyle. I try to find some humor in life wherever I can. Someone had to be in control and he certainly was not. You dont have to be. It was making himself into the suffering victim and appropriating my abandonment. He is younger than my H and in his late 20s. Au contraire Satori!! But there are things we can do to lift the pain somewhat. H was: Paranoid. She is a good person. https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/10668-the-one-thing-no-one-ever-says-about-grieving. Almost 4 months was enough for me. The nature and quality of the relationship did not change until immediately after he announced he was leaving. Even including the on the couch, beer and phone, no engagement. i took one day at a time and hing in his words. The cheaters handbook must be out there somewhere. ), healing (learning) from ancestors mistakes. Be mysterious about that. They can challenge your assumptions and help . Butterball he says A is over but wont prove it or show any solid proof to you My plan is to keep the evening short and sweet. Mind you I wasnt using that as a tactic I was sobbingly brokenhearted. No one can understand the trauma of having your spouse walk in the door and say I want a Divorce unless it has happened to them. Yep driving across boring Kansas I literally screamed. There has been a lot of discussion of the MLC reality even on this thread while I dont feel it is the key driver in my case, it sure felt like a factor, even if a minor one. She also started running to get in better shape (she has always hated running). Feeling a lot calmer. He said it is like climbing Mount Everest. But right now it feels like it is. Hindsight and all. Great advice. I for one will not be censored or castigated by my words. Am I expected to stay out in this savanna by myself and survive??? And I had it briefly as a teenager too. Complete avoidance. Why didnt you respond to my message?. Satori-I think the get over it mentality is the worst (at least in many cases) with the CS. It doesnt feel like it at all for my situation right now. End of story. Many people have rude awakenings and find that they have been stuck with several hundred thousand dollars in credit card bills. They try but they cant. I believe its more difficult to deal with a death if there are unresolved issues. Hed pull me in then push me away. Well they are about to become mine, so he wont have anything and they will need to start again. He is not that stupid. No question. Satori And financially I have protected myself so I have my own $ and he cannot touch it. Im always touched and amazed at the compassion we receive fro total strangers. See things as a challenge not a hindrance. One thing I forgot to say. In fact he can do whatever he wants and we will never impose consequences on him! Ive had little to no contact with H with the exception of briefly once a week and managed to do whatever I needed and keep things going with a a lot of help in the form of major outsourcing of a laundry list of tasks. I hope you have the right lawyer. Its mystifying to me how they are all the same! Once I do, it will be madness. Not me. Scary odd. Thats a load of crap. I hope I pass the test. Oh yeah and this is the kicker, he came home sick from the holiday and whilst not working he continued the affair from our bed / couch. And to think your Hs actions inspired someone else to do the same thing. Most of all, you must not reach for the wine or the pills. ! Oh boy. Theres no justification based upon a MLC or anything else. Im not going to be passively aggressed into doing all the work of deconstructing what I spent 15 years putting together. I hope you are well Puzzled, (And ShiftingImps, TryingHard, TheFirstWife, SarahP too). like a bucket of water to his face This mutual friend would never do that he has too much respect of both of us to cross the line like that. My h was loathe to put anything in writing for many reasons. I was hoping to come back and feel new again. Of course OW called and told him about her front door being broken too. Having burned up my keypad and at the risk of overstaying my welcome here, Im going to give you all a rest now. The challenge for you is endurance. Yeah, Imma let them finish. Thank you TheFirstWife! The selective truth thing is messed up. I had suggested dinner (as he had canceled the previous one last night) but he wouldnt agree yet he was staying in tonight and had no plans. I dont know if her ex husband is still in the picture, if he still loves her, or if he has moved on? And weve all been there. You know? They tried talking sense but he was having none of it. And I hope I can continure go pay it forward and that other posters find my suggestions and advice helpful. Youre doing lots of stuff correctly. I hope he finds his balls soon before its too late. So this is where his sense of identity is shaky. Maybe you had parents similar to mine. He is not committing to anything. Every week he is sick with something else. LOL I call bullshit on MLCs. You do have choices. I felt like a failure and I was ready to write my life off entirely. My husband just abandoned me, I have a 9 month old baby, and I think Im going crazy, I feel pain in every part of my body Call it Midlife crisis or Affair Fog or both or whatever you want. Or they rationalise it by saying oh there must have been problems in the marriage (*eye roll*) but to them its like any old breakup so I should still just get on with my life etc. Runaway bride syndrome (gamophobia, gametophobia) yakaoma yehunhu husina hunhu husina hukama nechirwere chepfungwa. 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